Non-verbal Communication Sends Powerful Messages
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

I was working with a business executive recently doing a “mock” media interview. This was in preparation for a real media interview he was about to face. The executive’s message was clear, and his content was solid. The problem was that as he spoke, his legs were tightly crossed and he was clutching his left shoe, apparently holding on for dear life. He then proceeded to wring his hands and crack his knuckles. Worst of all, his eyes were darting all over the room looking anyplace other than where they should be. Simply put, his non-verbal communication was a mess.

What he said with his body spoke so loud he that his words almost became non-relevant. That’s the thing with non-verbal communication. Not only is it extremely powerful in how others perceive us, but most of us are oblivious to the messages they are sending. (Many studies indicate that nearly 90 percent of how we are perceived by others is directly related to body language as opposed to what we actually say.)

When I asked the client about his non-verbal communication, he said, “I was really nervous and wasn’t paying attention to anything other than what I said.” When he saw himself on videotape, he was shocked. Consider some of the following non-verbal issues that could help your next communication experience:

--Posture matters. Lots of people are either way too stiff or wind up slouching or hunching their shoulders over. The key is to stand or sit straight, but try to be relaxed in the process.

--The handshake. If you currently use what is commonly called the “fish” shake, get out of that habit. A weak handshake communicates disinterest. Conversely, you don’t need to try to break someone’s hand by squeezing their knuckles to prove you are a serious leader. A firm handshake will do.

--What to do with my hands. Instead of wringing your hands or cracking your knuckles, or worse yet, locking your hands in one position or place, try another approach. Consider using softer hands. Bring them together lightly touching your two index fingers and gently clasping the rest of your fingers. Then, as you speak, don’t be afraid to use your hands to express a point you are making. If you feel strongly about what you are saying, your hands will naturally follow, but they can’t follow if you’ve got them locked up.

--Rocking back and forth. Most people do it without even realizing it. The key is to set your feet on the ground, whether standing or sitting. Square your shoulders and center your torso. If you have to move to get rid of nervous energy, then do it in a more productive and constructive fashion. For example, incorporate movement into the presentation by simply standing up or walking around.

--Don’t be afraid to smile. Too many people communicate negative messages through clenched jaws, sneers or frowns. Now, if you intend to communicate a negative message, then go right ahead and use your face. But, if you think you are fooling anyone by how you really feel, you’re not.

--Finally, the eyes really are the windows of the soul. We often complain of shifty eyes. We say the other person “couldn’t look me in the eye.” All of these non-verbal eye contact issues create real problems in our everyday communication. Get into the practice of looking at the person you are interacting with. Steady, focused but relaxed eye contact is the goal. If you don’t make constructive eye contact a priority and practice it, you will continue to communicate messages that will get in the way of your communication. The choice is yours.

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, visit his Web site at www.stand-deliver.com, or e-mail him at sadubato@aol.com.

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