Negotiation and Communication: Perfect Together
Steve Adubato, Ph.D.

Whether it is at work or at home, all of us are involved in negotiating nearly every day. We negotiate with our bosses and our kids, our coworkers and our spouses. But when you break down the art of negotiation, it’s really about communication. It’s about connecting and ultimately the art of compromise. As Herb Cohen, author of the classic book “You Can Negotiate Anything” and a new tome called “Negotiate This!” says, “Negotiating is the game of life.” It really is, when you think about it.

As someone who has had to negotiate contracts, fees and sponsorship for PBS television programs, I’ve come to the following conclusions as to what it takes to be a first-rate negotiator:

--Great negotiators are great listeners. If you notice, they don’t do a lot of talking and spend much of the time asking smart questions and concentrating on the answers. They also take their time responding to what they’ve heard as opposed to reacting in an unnecessarily adversarial fashion.

--Remember, even if you don’t like the other person or his communication style, you’re negotiating because you have to. If you could simply get your way, you wouldn’t be in this situation. Therefore, no matter how you feel about the other party, stay focused on the issues that need to be resolved. The key is to remember that communicating your distaste decreases the odds you will accomplish your objectives. Simply put, focus more on the problem and less on the person.

--Communicate from the other person’s point of view. Great negotiators work hard to see the process as an opportunity to help someone else accomplish his or her objective. When participants are too focused on their own (often narrow) objective, they aren’t successful. If the other person sees you as someone who is considerate of them and their agenda, they are more likely to give you what you want without seeing it as giving in.

--Be clear on what you want, but don’t dig your heels in too deep. It’s important to communicate your goals in the negotiation process while being flexible enough to respond to opportunities that present themselves in the process. (Again, it is important to be a good listener.)

--If you go into a negotiation with a hard and fast definition of “winning” you are likely to be disappointed. And unless you are willing to walk away, this is a risky position to take indeed.

--When someone says something in a negotiation that seems totally unreasonable to you, don’t take the bait. Very often the person is doing this to see what your reaction will be. I’ve seen many negotiations go awry at this critical point. Instead, remain calm. Imagine you are a manager who has an employee who is requesting a 30% pay increase. Consider this disarming response; “I just want to be clear, you are saying you want a 30% pay increase while we’ve just laid off a third of our workforce and everyone else’s salary is frozen?” Your goal is to put a mirror up in front of the other person and help them see how unreasonable their demand is. If they don’t, I would suggest this isn’t someone you want to deal with. But that’s a whole other column.

--Finally, avoid characterizing someone’s position as worthless. (“That’s a really stupid point, Jim.”) When you communicate in this fashion, Jim feels worthless as a person and has few options other than to fight back and dig in. Is that what you really want?

Write to me about a work-related negotiation you were involved in recently. How did it turn out?

Dr. Steve Adubato coaches and speaks on the subjects of communication and leadership and is the author of the book "Speak from the Heart." Write to him at The Star-Ledger, 1 Star-Ledger Plaza, Newark, NJ 07102, visit his Web site at www.stand-deliver.com, or e-mail him at sadubato@aol.com.

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